erraticnoise's blog

Communication, I've learned, is not really a matter of saying what you are thinking, but the ability to say it in the language of your audience.

One week, two cities, 3400 miles by air, 350 miles by car, and a great disconnect from the routine of everyday life. That was what I did three weeks ago when I left Des Moines on a Monday night to go to the JavaOne conference in San Francisco for work and returned through Chicago, seeing Bjork perform at the Auditorium Theatre on the way. That's probably more distance than I've ever traveled in a week, and four of the days were completely paid for by work. 

Why does every recent episode of Law & Order feature someone who's painfully un-self-aware in the first reveal of the episode? You know, when they tell why the crime took place. What, you mean over the counter pills can have effects like illegal drugs?

Do you remember your first flight? Where did you go? Why?
Submitted by Laurel.

This is a tricky one. My grandfather on my dad's side is a pilot and has a small plane, but I'm not sure if I was first in that or a commercial airline. I know that when I was three I went to Disney World with my parents, so the flight from Des Moines to Orlando might have been my first flight -- and my last on a commercial airline for about twenty years. The next time I flew for any amount of distance was when I visited my friends Jon and Emily in Baton Rouge two years ago.

• Techno saved my life
• Fall and Spring aren't so transitional in Iowa
• Books are better for reading than stacking
• Repetition may be key, but variety is necessary
• I have an urge to wear white pants and a pink shirt
  
• It's almost six hours to Chicago, two to Omaha, three and a half to Minneapolis, and less than a half hour to trouble
• I can't update this blog that well, but it's not troubling since I'm working on a few more things
  

There's something liberating about finishing something that leaves a sense of wanting. My project at work should be pretty much out the door now, barring any last-minute bug fixes. It's like a weight has been taken off my shoulders, and I'm standing around shrugging and trying out my newfound flexibility. I came home and immediately launched into some cleaning and did more cooking than I've done in weeks. Right now, I feel very relaxed and tired but can't quite fall asleep because of the sense of longing. I'm missing something, and it might be the knowledge of what comes next.

On a related note, against my better instincts I'm a little worried about a few friends. I know things will end up working out, but a couple have taken on more than I feel they really need right now while another is launching into well-trodden territory that's a complete minefield. So I wish them well, and try not to dwell on what others are up to, even if that's against my nature. Sleep for now.

Now that I've rambled on about where I'm at and my immediate plans, where would I like to end up working and living? I bounced around for a number of years between things that interest me and ended up settling into computer science in college on the basis of what might be the most arrogant decision I've made. I knew I was becoming obsessive about computer use by the end of high school and I knew that my weak point, subject-wise, was mathematics. I really loved English class, social sciences, and everything else about equally but I felt like I'd bombed out in math -- it was mostly that I'm bad at the self-discipline to actually sit and work out practice problems so I never really learned anything that thoroughly. Of course, by "bombed out" I mean that I stopped taking math in high school after taking a calculus class my sophomore year. So results may vary.

So I decided to challenge myself with computer science, which is partially a math-and-logic field in disguise. It's treated me pretty well, and is employable, which is a huge bonus when you consider things like money, the cost of living, owning things... but I digress. What I'd really like to do is find a niche that interests me, that deals with information, design, and people, and get into that field. I'd like to be self-employed or work with a small group that either has its own source of money or does consulting. I want to work with people I respect and enjoy being around socially. Niches are great because you can fulfill a need that many people may have, but not one that's a main concern. So something that's not of immediate importance, but should be done right.

Or whatever the equivalent is, should you score perfectly on that beepy ear test.

The Warning

Why didn't I go see Hot Chip at Lollapalooza? I think they played right before I arrived on some day, but that's a poor excuse. Now that I'm actually listening, I think I missed out.

Well, I've made a good start on the erratic part of blogging by not posting for much of the week, now let's contribute to the noise.

I had all of last week off of work. Having spent a lot of cash at Lollapalooza, and feeling the need to pay for a few essentials (my car registration renewal, a new bicycle), I opted to spend the week around town. It was great in that I was able to talk to a few people I hadn't seen for a while, catch up on some reading, and get a few priorities straight. I think in doing so, I had one of the most screwed up weeks of my life. The return of some sporadic drinking, staying out too late, and getting into trouble. By Saturday night, when I was able to eat dinner with just my Dad for the first time in a while, I was both more tired than I'd been on Monday and more confident for having made it through a week at home without really ever getting bored. It was one of several conversations where I realized that, hey, I'm doing a lot of things pretty damn well and I should attempt even more. When he told me that I and that I should keep doing whatever I'm doing because I seemed pretty happy (with an aside to "stay safe," I have no idea what that means in parent-speak but I think it has something to do with sober driving, safe sex, and not picking fights with pirates).

I spent this week around town, and remembered that I live in Des Moines because, for better or worse, this is still my city. I can remember a time during the beginning of high school when I looked around and realized that there was no way I'd want to stick around after college, even if I didn't push myself and ended up going to school so close to home. I thought I'd want out, but then I realized that the town, and my world, had changed for the better. New places to go, people I knew from college who were settling in, and a job that seemed like a good choice to get on my feet and figure out my next move.

I was sitting at my computer over a week ago, talking to a few friends, when I realized that everything in the last paragraph is exactly where things stand. So here are the new goals to get me to that next move: Save up some cash to go on the European vacation I've wanted. Keep up my exercise and work on both my actual appearance and my self-image -- it's ridiculous to ever feel shy or out of place, I can be reasonably likeable when I try. Hopefully that step doesn't involve spending a lot on clothes or accessories. Keep writing, reading, and listening. Seek out people that interest me and, if I'm lucky, share those interests. Look forward to next July when I'm going to reevaluate the whole damn thing and decide if I keep on going or if I look for somewhere else to go.

Have you ever had an evening a week where you decided to do exactly what you wanted, no matter the stakes? I decided as I left from having a couple of drinks tonight (and that part is probably key) that I wanted the following:

Veggie chips and hummus dip

Red Stripe beer

Watch two episodes of Night Court before going to bed

I failed. I stopped at the accursed Wal-Mart, which is ONLY good for late night trash shopping that I later badly justify, and they did not have it. I saw two mullets and debated my stance on being interested in girls that'd be at Wal-Mart. New rule: late night Wal-Mart girls are attractive... if they're Bosnian. Don't ask. Anyway, they had no Night Court, and I am at home only 2/3 fulfilled and searching the tv schedule deperately for my Harry Anderson and John Larroquette fix.